今天的我应该是收到漫漫祝福的新娘子。
可是新娘子没当上，一切的一切都没有发生。
我， 却躲到邻国去。
也许是因为所有该解决的事都已经解决了，所以这一天的到来，我的心是平静的。
什么都不想，因为我有你在我身边，就以足够了。
thanks peikai, for keeping to your promise to keep me accompany today. in fact i've been looking forward since the week started on monday. although things didnt go as smoothly as expected, the cinema is closed, the ktv is also close. but it doesnt matter to me, cos as long as i have you with me, anything that we do is :)
i have to confess that i'm falling in love all over again.
that is; falling for you.
sometimes, i really dont know how i should respond or react when i am with you. cos i dont know how you would react too. i dont know how you are going to see or perceive me when you get to know that i had fallen in love within such a short timeframe. and i dont want you to feel that you are just a substitute which i am still trying hard to convince you, but i guess really dont know how to. i just want you to know that i have been moving forward, and i've really put everything down behind me. many would think that its quite impossible to do so within such a short time, including you right? but it hasnt been short for me, isnt it? you have seen how much i have gone through over the past months. yes the official break up was only weeks back but then again it was just nothing but a status we are calling off. the relationship has long ended for me... way way back when he chose to push me away.
as much as what other people would see me, i really hope you wont see me like how they would. cos i know what i am doing, and that my feelings are true for you. and i'm so afraid that i will be losing you before i know it.
it breaks my heart when i saw you standing outside the toilet talking over the phone peikai.. that few seconds, 我突然觉得好害怕，你也在欺骗我吗？i chose to turn away because i didnt have the courage to walk up to you. i chose to walk away because i dont want to know who you are talking to. i dont know where i was going.. all my mind could think of was just you along with the question marks. all my feet could do was to walk, and to keeping walking. until i manage to grab hold of myself, i stopped. and shortly after,you came back for me. but i wasnt ready to face you. i dont know what to say and i'm not sure if i shld ask so i kept quiet. i know you could sense the change in me, but i didnt want you to feel uneasy too. so i thought to myself, if today is the last day that we could be together, why not just make it a happy one jenn? why make yourself so upset and letting peikai feel so awkward? that was when, i pulled myself back and told myself to just enjoy the day with you. at least if today is going to be the last, i will not regret.
:)
i dont know what is going to happen to us after today but i just want you to know that today was probably one of my happiest day with you so far. how i wished that the day could just last abit longer and that the bus ride back could be slower and then i would have the excuse to lean on your shoulder and never have to get off. the moment having you just by my side is so close to heart, i didnt want it to end.
thank you peikai, for such a wonderful day.
i thank god for sending you into my life because having you in my life is one of my greatest gift so far.
good night.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
#1 the creation of this blog
I dont know when you will ever get to find out that i set up a blog just to have my feelings for you recorded down. or maybe, perhaps you will never know. but its alright, i just want to have you in, in everyday of my memories.
:)
today its 20.11.2011
the day i finally had the courage to lie on your sturdy shoulder, the day i found myself getting jealous over you, the day i found that wee bit of courage to confess my feelings for you and the day we first held our hands.
i thought the stay at MBS would be absolutely perfect in a pretty room, with a magnificent seaview, beautiful friends and you. but never would i know that seeing another girl in your phone's wallpaper would totally change everything. i could almost felt my heart dropped the moment i hang up the call with juisin on your phone. for that moment, i felt as if i just lost the whole world. i couldnt understand why you would change your feelings for someone that fast. i felt that you were no different from the other guys.
i disappeared cos i felt i couldnt face you at the moment. i need a breather to sort out my thoughts and emotion and i wanted nobody to find me. cos nobody knows, that i've actually started falling all over you.
when i thought it through, i really wanted to talk to you, to ask you personally about whats going on. but to my disappointment, you werent in the room when i went back. even when you came back, your time was still occupied by the very long phone calls with her - the girl in your phone. i dont know what going on between the two of you, but seeing you on the phone with her just made me go uncomfortable :(
with you still standing at the balcony on the phone, i just couldnt fall asleep! i tossed and turn, walk up and down and finally i decided to walk out to the balcony, to you. not knowing whats going to happen next, i'm so glad i did that. because i did, i had the chance to be with you alone, watching the sky turn from darkness to brightness, having such heart-to-heart talk just warm up my heart, it was comforting enough to know that you still care, and you are still here for me.
躺在你肩膀上的我，突然觉得好开心好幸福。
舒服到忍不住小睡了以下，却有不想再起来。
真的好希望时间能够停留在那一瞬间，不再转动。
应该是开心过头了吧，所以一晚没睡的我都不觉得累。
the second time we watched 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 was even more meaningful than the first. i have never watch the movie twice in the theatres, and of cos i've never watched the same movie with the same person. the first time we watched, i thought of the people in my school life and him. but the second time i watched it, my whole mind was filled with you, even though you are just sitting right beside me.
i couldnt control my arms, and my arms decided to go around yours. and when our hands locked, i smiled :) smiling to myself from the bottom of my heart in the darkness. although you still let go in the end. i'm still contented, even for just that few minutes. cos my heart, totally melted.
:)
p.s it was 柯腾 who gave me the idea to start blogging all over again.
:)
today its 20.11.2011
the day i finally had the courage to lie on your sturdy shoulder, the day i found myself getting jealous over you, the day i found that wee bit of courage to confess my feelings for you and the day we first held our hands.
i thought the stay at MBS would be absolutely perfect in a pretty room, with a magnificent seaview, beautiful friends and you. but never would i know that seeing another girl in your phone's wallpaper would totally change everything. i could almost felt my heart dropped the moment i hang up the call with juisin on your phone. for that moment, i felt as if i just lost the whole world. i couldnt understand why you would change your feelings for someone that fast. i felt that you were no different from the other guys.
i disappeared cos i felt i couldnt face you at the moment. i need a breather to sort out my thoughts and emotion and i wanted nobody to find me. cos nobody knows, that i've actually started falling all over you.
when i thought it through, i really wanted to talk to you, to ask you personally about whats going on. but to my disappointment, you werent in the room when i went back. even when you came back, your time was still occupied by the very long phone calls with her - the girl in your phone. i dont know what going on between the two of you, but seeing you on the phone with her just made me go uncomfortable :(
with you still standing at the balcony on the phone, i just couldnt fall asleep! i tossed and turn, walk up and down and finally i decided to walk out to the balcony, to you. not knowing whats going to happen next, i'm so glad i did that. because i did, i had the chance to be with you alone, watching the sky turn from darkness to brightness, having such heart-to-heart talk just warm up my heart, it was comforting enough to know that you still care, and you are still here for me.
躺在你肩膀上的我，突然觉得好开心好幸福。
舒服到忍不住小睡了以下，却有不想再起来。
真的好希望时间能够停留在那一瞬间，不再转动。
应该是开心过头了吧，所以一晚没睡的我都不觉得累。
the second time we watched 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 was even more meaningful than the first. i have never watch the movie twice in the theatres, and of cos i've never watched the same movie with the same person. the first time we watched, i thought of the people in my school life and him. but the second time i watched it, my whole mind was filled with you, even though you are just sitting right beside me.
i couldnt control my arms, and my arms decided to go around yours. and when our hands locked, i smiled :) smiling to myself from the bottom of my heart in the darkness. although you still let go in the end. i'm still contented, even for just that few minutes. cos my heart, totally melted.
:)
p.s it was 柯腾 who gave me the idea to start blogging all over again.
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