ever wonder why in everybody else's opinion, jenn is a strong and brave girl? and yet, in front of you she's not at all. that's because she cannot lie to you, you cant seem to pretend in front of you. all this while, you were the only one that she can tells anything and everything with. be it happy, sad or even the ugly times.
but i guess, she wont be doing that anymore.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
#12 平安夜
Its close to 3am on the Christmas eve night and I just got home not long ago. Had to shower in icy cold water cos my parents are asleep and I didn't want to disturb them so now I'm wide awake, while waiting for my hair to dry :)
You are still online at whatsapp too. But I didn't dare to send you a text. I keep on logging into whatsapp just to see if u are still online.. And u are there! But I'm really scared that u would just ignore my messages again. The feeling u are giving now is just like how u treated Kim when she wanted to talk to u more but u just stop right there. I dont knw if I'm right but I really hate this kind of treatment. So the only thing I can do is to rant here, to scream here!
Anyway, it's Christmas eve.. So 平安夜快乐！
I'm still waiting for my Xmas present!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
#11 下雨天
It has been raining the whole of today! I just came back from my annual Christmas dinner with my girlfriends. I went online for awhile and saw u logged in on Facebook too. I felt the urge to msg you on fb but I don't know what was holding me back. Den I remembered one of the last song u sang during our last ktv.
下雨天 by Lara. And the following lyrics really describe how I am feeling now.
下雨天了怎么办我好想你
我不敢打给你我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音变的好熟悉
沉默的场景做你的代替
陪我等雨停
I'm not sure if you are back from ur KL trip already. If you are, I'm quite sure u are trying to keep a distance away from me. Aren't you?
Today I changed the blog address from tomydearestshifu.blogspot to tomydearshifu.blogspot because this blog was discovered by my sister who walked into the room when I was out in the kitchen and I forgot to log off from the page :(( although she didn't say anything, from her eyes I could felt tt she saw something she shldnt have. And so I decided to change just in case.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
#10 逊透了!
dear shifu,
while i'm typing this away, you should be having loads of fun thousands miles away. but something happened today which really upset me and i just feel like typing my feelings and thoughts away bcos there's no one else who understand this matter better than you do.
today, yew centre has this teambuilding session organized by my principal. so all of us has to head back to centre in the afternoon even when we dont need to work. to start of this session, my principal got us to talk abt first impressions and introduce more about ourselves - which i really dread it coming.
the thing is that my principal doesnt know anything about my marriage cancellation and she still thought i'm going to get married sometime soon. so when they were sharing who is married, with how many children, who's not... blah blah blah
SUDDENLY, the arrow just came shooting into me. everyone is SOOOO interested in my status cos i' relatively new to them. at first i just replied that no i'm not married and i'm not getting married. i just smile off their questions and the topic was shifted over to someone else.
i was like so relieved!
BUT, not too long later. the cook went to ask if i got boyfriend and the limelight is on me once again. but before i could answer, my principal went to answer for me. she told everyone that i'm going to get married soon, of cos have boyfriend now!
for that moment, i really dont know how to react. all i remembered was that i could only smile, and just smile at everyone looking at me. i so wanted to tell them that i'm actually not but i didnt have the courage to open my mouth.
i really dont know how to tell them. i thought i wont need to share this with anyone anymore. i thought at this new workplace, nobody would know abt my past. but my principal just let everything out :((
so many questions were going through my mind.
what if when i told them i cancelled my wedding. they will ask why?
what if i told them i broke off with my fiance. they also will ask why?
whatever i say, i'm sure they will be curious why
i guess i'm still not ready to answer them or perhaps its bcos i felt that i'm not obligated to answer them ba. haiiss!
我很逊对不对?
我也是这样觉得.
while i'm typing this away, you should be having loads of fun thousands miles away. but something happened today which really upset me and i just feel like typing my feelings and thoughts away bcos there's no one else who understand this matter better than you do.
today, yew centre has this teambuilding session organized by my principal. so all of us has to head back to centre in the afternoon even when we dont need to work. to start of this session, my principal got us to talk abt first impressions and introduce more about ourselves - which i really dread it coming.
the thing is that my principal doesnt know anything about my marriage cancellation and she still thought i'm going to get married sometime soon. so when they were sharing who is married, with how many children, who's not... blah blah blah
SUDDENLY, the arrow just came shooting into me. everyone is SOOOO interested in my status cos i' relatively new to them. at first i just replied that no i'm not married and i'm not getting married. i just smile off their questions and the topic was shifted over to someone else.
i was like so relieved!
BUT, not too long later. the cook went to ask if i got boyfriend and the limelight is on me once again. but before i could answer, my principal went to answer for me. she told everyone that i'm going to get married soon, of cos have boyfriend now!
for that moment, i really dont know how to react. all i remembered was that i could only smile, and just smile at everyone looking at me. i so wanted to tell them that i'm actually not but i didnt have the courage to open my mouth.
i really dont know how to tell them. i thought i wont need to share this with anyone anymore. i thought at this new workplace, nobody would know abt my past. but my principal just let everything out :((
so many questions were going through my mind.
what if when i told them i cancelled my wedding. they will ask why?
what if i told them i broke off with my fiance. they also will ask why?
whatever i say, i'm sure they will be curious why
i guess i'm still not ready to answer them or perhaps its bcos i felt that i'm not obligated to answer them ba. haiiss!
我很逊对不对?
我也是这样觉得.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
#9 不是我不明白
不是我不明白 说悲哀并不应该
我们的关怀 像爱但又说不上爱
沒有后來 我们才学会爱
但现在说來感慨 不是那个未來
我们说好的 不会更改的 你会在
this is the only song i have been listening to these few days. so you can imagine the Nth time i am listening to it now.
you are so busy with your work i hope you have your meals on time :)
i miss the time we could just msg non stop and anything on earth.
我们的关怀 像爱但又说不上爱
沒有后來 我们才学会爱
但现在说來感慨 不是那个未來
我们说好的 不会更改的 你会在
this is the only song i have been listening to these few days. so you can imagine the Nth time i am listening to it now.
you are so busy with your work i hope you have your meals on time :)
i miss the time we could just msg non stop and anything on earth.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
#8 proud moment
dear shifu,
today i had so much i want to share with you but i know we shldnt be communicating as much now so the only way i could share is through this secret channel. you know, so many a times i want to just pick up my phone and type you a msg. but i know i just had to stop. so i left my phone in my bag on purpose as much as i could.
work is really the best thing on earth to get your mind away from thinking too much. today i worked for 12 hours straight, 7am to 7pm! but i wasnt feeling a slight tinge of tiredness. perhaps, a part of me just know that i cannot stop doing because when i stop i start to think, to think of you.
i managed to secure more enrolments for the school next year, which is my top priority right now. other than being tasked to do more responsiblities like stationary inventory and ordering etc etc.. i just felt a sense of importance in the new centre today, like suddenly! we also started planning for the classroom layout for next year and i'm glad with my little experience i could share so much with the teachers.
i've never tell you how much i like interior designing ba! i'll always watch 摆家乐 whenever its shown on tv and thats why i always find it interesting when you share your work stories with me :)
today. i did what i always like to do most - to design the centre's layout! initially, i think my principal had some ideas in mind already but she still went arnd to ask for ideas so i happily shared mine and to my surprise, she felt my idea was kind of fresh and out of the box so she went on to share with the rest how she wants it to be...
so we starting shifting, and within 2 hours the new layout is done. looking goood :) the sense of achievement is completely awesome. now i cant help but to smile whenever i look into this new environment i have created for the children.
is this how you will feel from your job too?
and so it leads me to think, if one day i decided not to be a principal anymore.. maybe i can switch to become one who specialised in early childhood designing of spaces! how cool can that be.
today i had so much i want to share with you but i know we shldnt be communicating as much now so the only way i could share is through this secret channel. you know, so many a times i want to just pick up my phone and type you a msg. but i know i just had to stop. so i left my phone in my bag on purpose as much as i could.
work is really the best thing on earth to get your mind away from thinking too much. today i worked for 12 hours straight, 7am to 7pm! but i wasnt feeling a slight tinge of tiredness. perhaps, a part of me just know that i cannot stop doing because when i stop i start to think, to think of you.
i managed to secure more enrolments for the school next year, which is my top priority right now. other than being tasked to do more responsiblities like stationary inventory and ordering etc etc.. i just felt a sense of importance in the new centre today, like suddenly! we also started planning for the classroom layout for next year and i'm glad with my little experience i could share so much with the teachers.
i've never tell you how much i like interior designing ba! i'll always watch 摆家乐 whenever its shown on tv and thats why i always find it interesting when you share your work stories with me :)
today. i did what i always like to do most - to design the centre's layout! initially, i think my principal had some ideas in mind already but she still went arnd to ask for ideas so i happily shared mine and to my surprise, she felt my idea was kind of fresh and out of the box so she went on to share with the rest how she wants it to be...
so we starting shifting, and within 2 hours the new layout is done. looking goood :) the sense of achievement is completely awesome. now i cant help but to smile whenever i look into this new environment i have created for the children.
is this how you will feel from your job too?
and so it leads me to think, if one day i decided not to be a principal anymore.. maybe i can switch to become one who specialised in early childhood designing of spaces! how cool can that be.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
#7 终于开了口
我终于还是开了口
我想了足足两天的事情，终究还是藏不住心里。
培凯，原来我越来越害怕失去，越来越害怕被抛弃的感觉。
我害怕欺骗，我也害怕再度受到伤害。
而我最害怕的是，我们之间的改变。
而唯一能够把你留在我身边的就是保持现状，做回我们自己。
这样，一切都不会变，不是吗？
其实我早已经想通，但是有一部分的我就是不愿去面对吧
有太多的未知数，让我却步。
我不敢说是因为，我知道我们已经回不去从前。
而我们今后会是怎样，我还真的不敢去想
不管怎样，我会把对你的这份好感埋藏起来，藏在心底的最深处
一切都以平常心来对待。我也希望，我们的友情不会因此而改变
谢谢你的坦白，谢谢你的关怀，谢谢你的认真
谢谢你还会一样的守护我
我，好感动你知道吗？
而我也一样，会像以前一样在你身边支持你，守护这你。
我们还是可以像以前一样，一样的好，懂吗？
这是你说的，一定要做到哦！
我想了足足两天的事情，终究还是藏不住心里。
培凯，原来我越来越害怕失去，越来越害怕被抛弃的感觉。
我害怕欺骗，我也害怕再度受到伤害。
而我最害怕的是，我们之间的改变。
而唯一能够把你留在我身边的就是保持现状，做回我们自己。
这样，一切都不会变，不是吗？
其实我早已经想通，但是有一部分的我就是不愿去面对吧
有太多的未知数，让我却步。
我不敢说是因为，我知道我们已经回不去从前。
而我们今后会是怎样，我还真的不敢去想
不管怎样，我会把对你的这份好感埋藏起来，藏在心底的最深处
一切都以平常心来对待。我也希望，我们的友情不会因此而改变
谢谢你的坦白，谢谢你的关怀，谢谢你的认真
谢谢你还会一样的守护我
我，好感动你知道吗？
而我也一样，会像以前一样在你身边支持你，守护这你。
我们还是可以像以前一样，一样的好，懂吗？
这是你说的，一定要做到哦！
Sunday, December 11, 2011
#6 停止。依赖
今天也许会是我们在这年的最后一次约会。
因为今天以后的我们会是什么样，我真的不知道。
吃着晚餐，听着你分享你为你自己立下的人生目标
你知道这样的你，好有魅力吗？ 充满魄力的你好像把我深深的吸引住了。
但是，你的这一番话也让我想了不少。
我曾经也会为将来做打算。会把事情都安排好好的，然后就一直朝那方向走就不会错。
但是，这几个月所发生的事已经改变了我的想法。
再多的计划和安排很有可能到了最后会是一场空。
换来的却是失望，痛苦
所以我不敢在相信所谓的梦想，和目标。因为明天到底会发生什么事，只有天知道。
我呢，就抱着过一天是一天的想法
谢谢你，今天的这一番话。
是时间自我反省了
我不会在往前走，而是站在原地等你。
培凯，我想停止对你的依赖
明天起，我可能不会在打扰你的生活了
我希望我能做得到
因为今天以后的我们会是什么样，我真的不知道。
吃着晚餐，听着你分享你为你自己立下的人生目标
你知道这样的你，好有魅力吗？ 充满魄力的你好像把我深深的吸引住了。
但是，你的这一番话也让我想了不少。
我曾经也会为将来做打算。会把事情都安排好好的，然后就一直朝那方向走就不会错。
但是，这几个月所发生的事已经改变了我的想法。
再多的计划和安排很有可能到了最后会是一场空。
换来的却是失望，痛苦
所以我不敢在相信所谓的梦想，和目标。因为明天到底会发生什么事，只有天知道。
我呢，就抱着过一天是一天的想法
谢谢你，今天的这一番话。
是时间自我反省了
我不会在往前走，而是站在原地等你。
培凯，我想停止对你的依赖
明天起，我可能不会在打扰你的生活了
我希望我能做得到
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
#5 我生病了
生病了的我，好想打电话和你聊天，对你撒娇
一想到你还在忙工作的事，我就会把电话locked回去
我也不敢发太多的简讯给你。因为我好像已经太过的依赖你了
我不可以这样下去
我会怕，这样的依赖到了最后还是一场空
什么都没有
一想到你还在忙工作的事，我就会把电话locked回去
我也不敢发太多的简讯给你。因为我好像已经太过的依赖你了
我不可以这样下去
我会怕，这样的依赖到了最后还是一场空
什么都没有
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
#3 Never ending phone call
2 december 2011, 1:41am 3hours 10min
that was how long our phonecall was. i love how we could stay on the phone for so long just to talk about anything under stars :) today was the first time we spent so many hours over the phone and i guess this might be the longest record that we are going to have!
to be honest, i was just as tired as you are. but somehow, hearing your voice over the phone just motivates me to stay awake. i dont want to miss out on anything that you share and probably thats why i dont feel any sleepiness. unlike you sleepyhead! thanks for sharing and being honest with me thus far.
i am serious when i said that if one day you and kim were to get back together, 是理所当然的. as much as i hope that it wouldnt happen, i also want to get myself mentally prepared for the worst. i know you had gone through so much so much with her and i am just nobody compared to her who has been by your side, with you for so many years. so i have no position to ask you to stay by my side if one day this is going to happen. 虽然会伤心，也会觉得失落。可能也不会笑这的祝福你们，但是只要是你要的我都会支持你，尊重你的决定。懂了吗？
you said that you dont like me to call you shifu. and i was thinking to myself, OH NO! how! this blog address still addresses to you my shifu! i'm not sure when i am gonna make this blog known to you so meanwhile, it will stay at it is or until i found a better name for this blog.
我会一直等到你信任我
that was how long our phonecall was. i love how we could stay on the phone for so long just to talk about anything under stars :) today was the first time we spent so many hours over the phone and i guess this might be the longest record that we are going to have!
to be honest, i was just as tired as you are. but somehow, hearing your voice over the phone just motivates me to stay awake. i dont want to miss out on anything that you share and probably thats why i dont feel any sleepiness. unlike you sleepyhead! thanks for sharing and being honest with me thus far.
i am serious when i said that if one day you and kim were to get back together, 是理所当然的. as much as i hope that it wouldnt happen, i also want to get myself mentally prepared for the worst. i know you had gone through so much so much with her and i am just nobody compared to her who has been by your side, with you for so many years. so i have no position to ask you to stay by my side if one day this is going to happen. 虽然会伤心，也会觉得失落。可能也不会笑这的祝福你们，但是只要是你要的我都会支持你，尊重你的决定。懂了吗？
you said that you dont like me to call you shifu. and i was thinking to myself, OH NO! how! this blog address still addresses to you my shifu! i'm not sure when i am gonna make this blog known to you so meanwhile, it will stay at it is or until i found a better name for this blog.
我会一直等到你信任我
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